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Dating highlights our biggest insecurities: We overanalyze what we say over text or Tinder, try on 15 different outfits before a date, and maybe even expect the worst and prepare to be ghosted or for the date to go badly. Sound familiar? To cure pre-date anxieties, try visualizing the best version of yourself. Are you confident, comfortable, or friendly? How would the most confident you act on this date? What would you wear? Would you even care about what you wear? Remind yourself that you are the catch that your date is trying to impress, not the other way around. Even if you don’t feel confident or calm, the simple act of visualizing your best self can help you relax and enjoy the date instead of getting in your head.
It will show in how you look at her. And your conversations will most likely be steered towards sex. For instance, when you start looking for ways to get a girl to your place after a first date, she knows you’re up to something. And a girl who thinks you only want to be with her for the sex isn’t going to want to have a relationship with you. In his book, The Art of Seduction, Rober Greene explained that the problem so many people have with seduction is that they say everything they mean. Though it is instinctive to want to get poetic about your feelings when you like someone, it is better to reveal your intentions gradually. Women like to feel that they earned their admiration. She wants to think it’s her unique character, her virtue, her honesty, her integrity, etc., that attracted you to her.
A man that is calm and put together has a unique aura. It’s no wonder why fictional characters like James Bond are portrayed as calm and collected people. A calm man is the opposite of an anxious and needy man. He has mastered himself. A woman can feel safe with him because he has a demeanor that makes you feel like nothing can go wrong with him. He gives you the impression that he’s a man who can handle himself. When he’s in a conversation with a woman, he sits with his shoulders back, looking at the woman straight in the eye. And since we pick up the dominant energy in social interactions, women also feel calm and relaxed around him, making them enjoy his company.
Set healthy boundaries – even before you meet: It’s natural to flirt via messages and conversations in the beginning stages of dating. You’re pursuing a romantic connection, after all! However, if your date is crossing boundaries and making you feel uncomfortable, politely let them know immediately. For example, if they make an advance that feels like too much too soon, express your feelings: “That makes me feel uncomfortable, could we take a step back from that please?”
Next up: Playing hard to get or waiting for the other person to make the first move. Besides outdated gender roles, these “rules” come from the idea that whoever cares less in the relationship is the one who has the most power. But should love be about power? It’s OK to care; we’re supposed to care about each other. So what does it matter if you “come on too strong” or “care more?” Be true to your feelings and what you want. Oh, and making the first move can save us a lot of time wondering if they like us back.
Ditch the loser who doesn’t make you happy. Newsflash: If the person you’re with constantly disappoints you, consistently can’t meet your needs, or refuses to commit to you, it’s time to cut them loose. Hanging on to someone who isn’t making you happy because you’re hoping they’ll suddenly change is going to waste a lot of your precious time — time you could spend meeting and getting to know someone who is a good fit for you. You’ll never meet “the one” if you’re hung up on the wrong one. So, as they say — out with the old and in with the new. Breaking up is hard to do, but trust me on this one: the only regret you’ll have when looking back is that you didn’t split sooner.
For instance, working with a matchmaker can be a game-changer. I can help get to the bottom of what your real dating priorities, values, and dealbreakers are, and then connect you with other like-minded singles who actually complement your lifestyle. Moreover, I help to separate your needs from your wants, which is a crucial exercise for setting realistic expectations and ultimately, finding happiness. If you aren’t ready to work with a matchmaker or can’t afford one, consider asking a trusted friend, sibling, or coworker if they know any single people they think would be a good match for you. Who knows? You may just be surprised that the people who know you best have a better picker than you do — because they can see from an unbiased perspective what it is you really need from a partner.
While the idea of love, at first sight, may seem romantic, it is not necessarily a realistic expectation. It takes time to truly get to know someone and establish a deep connection. Instant attraction and infatuation can be powerful, but building a lasting relationship requires more than just physical chemistry. The belief in a single, perfect soulmate who completes us is a popular myth perpetuated by movies and books. This idea can create unrealistic expectations and put undue pressure on relationships. It is important to recognize that compatibility is a result of shared values, interests, and goals, rather than just a mystical connection.
Don’t…be in a rush. It takes time for a relationship to develop. Get to know the person and take note of any red flags or signs that the person you’re dating isn’t up for a long-term relationship. If it doesn’t feel right, move on. Remember your self-worth and find something more compatible. Do…take time to think about your absolutes when it comes to relationships. Use this to focus on someone that has qualities you are looking for when dating. Do…love yourself. The first step to finding love is loving yourself. Be confident and appreciate how amazing you are. Do that and it will reflect to others. Believe in yourself, believe in the beauty of love, and believe the right person is out there for you.